The New Era of Self
In the age of personal optimisation, many of us struggle to feel good enough, thinking we should be some ideal version of ourselves. We are constantly competing with some potential sense of who we ought to be, rather than accepting who we already are.
We are taught from a young age that we can develop and grow and we expect so much from ourselves. I think that this feeling has never been as true and real as it was during this pandemic. While some of us were trying to survive and conquer our internal monsters and anxiety issues, we were - and still are - being constantly bombarded by millions of people on Instagram presenting the best version of themselves. Some became chefs, psychologists, beauty experts, yogi masters, and CEO’s of their side hustle. This all happened under the eye of their followers via “Instagram Lives”- the pressure was just infinite.
And so, with no other place to go, places to visit, restaurants to eat at and friends to hold, we turned our gaze inwards, forced to fight our own demons, fears, frustrations, hopes and desires. Roaming through a maze of rooms and feelings that perhaps had never seen the light.
Finding myself in the solitude of my thoughts, fears, inhibitions, fobias and desires helped me rediscover who I really am. And while others graduated with honors from the “school of Instagram Lives”, I became my best friend and in the middle of the isolation, I found myself again. This time from the complete understanding of what makes me me, as authentic and free as I always wished I’d be.
The funny thing about self-love is that once you find it, or rediscover it, you don’t want to let it go again. Your vision, obsessions, attitudes, hobbies and activities change so you can always keep it by your side.
You start to see yourself differently, you stop avoiding mirrors, you start listening to your body, nurturing it, honoring it, moving it. And suddenly the lack of physical contact with the rest of the world seems so insignificant because you found yourself.
And so a different kind of libido awakens, a desire that you haven’t seen for a long time: pure and innocent, curious and fun. Touching and exploring yourself becomes an act of love while you unlearn everything that was taught to you about sex in order to really feel safe and confident with your sexuality, understanding that you really deserve to be pleased.
Sex and intimacy for me today means the complete understanding of my freedom, my wishes and feelings. It means opening up my energy to someone who I can share my ideas, values and visions of the future with. It means giving myself to a person in which I find the same respect for my body and my mind. It means venturing without fear of saying and asking for what I like, what I want and what makes me feel good. It means understanding that I am my greatest love and only I have the power of completing myself. And that if I look outside, it’s only to find someone whose ideas and energy elevate me, understanding that that person doesn’t complete me, I do.
Sex is definitely more than what we do with our genitals, it represents who we are and the values we hold around pleasure and connection. It is important to develop a healthy relationship with oneself. Making changes around self-love can change how you experience sex and lead to better sexual awareness and experiences. It’s obviously going to look different for everyone so there should be no expectations to meet.
Sex and self-love is a playground where there are no norms. It is more important to feel empowered around your sexuality and not about what others think or the acceptance of others.
